More Precious Than Rubies: The Day I Realized My Worth

http://waitingforyourboaz.com/more-precious-than-rubies/

It’s funny how life can change a person. It’s funny how years of experience, heartbreak, joy, pain, laughter, tears, and a life well lived can show you your purpose.

It has taken me so many years to love myself. I still struggle with my self-worth. The funny thing about seeing your worth is you always seem to see it in everyone else, except yourself.

As a young girl, I felt rejection. From the very beginning I just couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that my father wasn’t in the picture.

Why wasn’t he there?

The question plagued my mind even as a small girl coloring from the pages of her favorite book.

I fought with myself every time I looked in the mirror. I dealt with rejection through school, at home, anywhere I decided to go my heart seemed to come back to me like a beaten puppy, dealing with the feelings of feeling less than good enough.

I put a price tag on my worth. I looked at it as something that could be bought. I worked hard to try to be beautiful, I worked hard to try to be funny, I worked hard trying to be good enough.

But eventually I came to a place where I realized, that even with the effort I was putting into this, people would always STILL reject me.

I found myself struggling with an eating disorder at the age of 16. While I hated my reflection in the mirror, it became more about having a sense of control that I felt as though I lacked in my young, fragile mind.

I was trying to fit in in a world where I never really belonged in the first place.

Although I gave my heart to God at a young age, I still felt like certain events and circumstances in my life measured what I was really worth, and my my mind that was next to nothing.

Brothers and Sisters, where exactly would we go in this world if we REALLY started to see ourselves the way God sees us? What if we truly realized that our worth is immeasurable and not something that can be bought at a price? Where would we go? What would we accomplish?

It has taken me a whole lifetime to learn to love myself, and I don’t wish the same for you. Just in this past year did I really start seeing that I am worth it. I am good enough. I am treasured.

It isn’t just something you decide to do one day, it’s a process of learning to love yourself and to see yourself through the eyes of a Creator who calls you lovely. What a sin it is to think that we can ever place a price tag on our worth.

Our worth isn’t up for debate. It was decided over 2,000 years ago on a cross as our Savior died not only for our sins, but so that we would never have to suffer from feelings of inadequacy, rejection, and loneliness.

We have been set apart, and chosen as the pure bride for Christ. We are loved with a love that is unconditional, regardless of the worth we see in ourselves.

Father God, help us to see ourselves the way you see us! Show us that our worth isn’t something that can be bought. Our worth isn’t found in how we look or the things we do, it’s found in the fact that You took so much time forming each delicate part of us.

He gave you a purpose before your mother even knew we were in her womb. After all of the hell that has come against you in this life, how are you still standing? You have a purpose and a reason for being here, it’s time to start seeing yourself that way.

It’s time to start loving yourself, even if you are a grown woman trying to pick up the pieces from a broken childhood, marriage, or life unlived.

You are NOT unloved. You will never live a day unloved.

I pray that God speaks to the innermost depths of your spirit. I pray that He brings healing to your heart, and begins to show you just how much worth you hold in His eyes.

When you begin to start seeing your worth, the atmosphere around you changes. People will even begin to see you differently, when you first see it in yourself. You will start learning to say no to things and people who try to place a price tag on your worth. You will begin to discover a life un-lived, you will go after things and accomplish them once you see that you have the ability to do so. Every time you look in the mirror won’t be a fight, it will be a moment to embrace the beautiful person God has made you to be. You will take care of yourself. You will take care of your emotions. You will think too highly of yourself to let anyone walk all over you. You will start to feel more satisfied with life, and you will find joy in learning to love yourself.

Each day of my life, I didn’t realize God was trying to show me how much I meant to Him. He kept placing people, things, and little signs in my way to say to me, You are worth so much more than the limits you place on yourself.

Maybe it was surviving a dangerous and traumatic birth, maybe it was having a daughter in whom I see a part of me, maybe it was years of just simply making it when the odds were against me, but at this moment in time, I am learning to love myself, and it feels so good. Im not fully there yet, I still have so much God is working on in my heart, but daily I am striving to see my reflection as a daughter of God. And I pray the same over your life. It’s such a huge step to take, but I can’t begin to tell you how much you are worth. You are blessed, chosen, treasured, beautiful, called out, marvelous, and lovely.

You are a daughter of Christ.

Start thinking, acting, talking, walking, and seeing yourself in that way.

“Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed.”
~Proverbs 3:13-18